With the recent artillery fire between North and South Korea, there is a more tangible panic about an all-out war that could involve the world. The average American’s view on North Korea is one of volatile evil: a dark place of backwards insanity and Communist oppression. But this stereotypical image, while holding some truth, is mostly a misconception based on snippets of media coverage on the sensational actions of the regime. The ordinary citizen of North Korea is scared, brainwashed, and locked down. They don’t want war. We can’t lump together the citizens and the leadership into a pile of war-crazy monsters. The citizens are people, just like you and me.
because they’re so raw; people pour their hearts out on here. whether it’s a random thought, a picture or song they like, or a secret letter they want to send, i love that each person’s tumblr is unique and suited to their own personalities.
I guess my natural desire to avoid conflict and make people happy took over…but I’m tired of pretending. Honestly, no one knows me except for God and maybe my sister cause she lives with me. My relationships with people have become empty and meaningless and just downright repetitive and predictable. I say and do things because I know that’s what they want to hear and it makes things easier. People don’t bother to take time and actually listen to what others have to say; they just take the surface because it’s simple, it doesn’t complicate things. I’ve had this feeling of loneliness and emptiness for so long. God is truly the only one who knows me inside out and loves me unconditionally. I know my relationship with God is the most important one but it would be nice to have real relationships with people too.
i want to live in one of those studio apartments in nyc. it would be my art studio with a bed and a kitchen. i’d have pictures hanging on the walls, paint splattered everywhere. maybe a cute little couch for guests and a table that i’d make to eat on. oh! and i want a hammock to read in.
feelin’ nostalgic… remember at the end of last year we went to mcdonald’s and then barnes to study for our english orals? i miss that.i feel like i don’t even know you anymore…
i’m glad we still talk every once in awhile. i miss those late nights. i always see your brother and he reminds me of you. i constantly think back to the very few times we hung out. i really hope i can see you over break; i miss you.
i honestly don’t know why i think about you as much as i do lol. i miss you, though. we had fun in korea, even though you annoyed me 99% of the time with your demanding and arrogant attitude. idk if or when i’ll see you again, but i hope i do.
& now, a note on being different… each day is just another reminder of how different i feel from everyone else. i’m ready to move on and move out. i can’t continuing living in the past like i’m doing right now. i grew up; i’m no longer the same. it’s evident in how i feel about my friendships.
it’s kind of sad…i don’t really have anyone i can go to about absolutely anything and everything. i wish people would stop being so judgmental.
so today at church, people were talking about how they were going to room with each other next year and what not…it just made me realize that we’re all growing up and moving on with our lives. i won’t have any idea who my roommate is and i’ll be on my own making new friends…the thought is both terrifying and exciting. (well, unless i go to nyc then i’ll have jathina :D haha) i generally don’t like to talk about school related things with people outside of ib because i always get weird looks and the conversation always gets reallyyyy awkward…-_- haha
lately i’ve been thinking about something… i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m not going to miss anyone when i go away for college except for a veryyy small group of people. i mean i’m going to miss my family A LOT of course, but as for non-family members…honestly, there’s probably only like 5 people that i’m really going to miss…i feel like i have best friends, but they’re not really my best friends? i feel like it’s just a label and i’m actually pretty detached emotionally. none of my friends know me as a whole; they only know one half or one part of me.
i feel like a bird trapped in a cage…i’m ready to fly out and explore the world. i’ve been thinking about college and what it’s going to be like… i really hope i can find the right church for me and the right group of people to hang out with. i’m just gonna trust God to help me out. :]
(arice in wonderrand reference if you were wondering :P)
today felt like a dream…my SAT score still hasn’t hit me yet. (i’ve signed on and off collegeboard several times to make sure it’s still there :P) the Lord is amazing & i know he has great plans for me (and you!)<3 i feel like so many more paths opened up for me and my parents were ecstatic as well. lol, i keep making fun of my mom because before i got this score, she would always be like "why are you applying to columbia? that’s a waste of money" and now she’s like, "apply to cornell! HARVARD!!!! go to columbia!! or any ivy league!!" bahaha. she cried cause she was so happy haha a lot of my family’s joy had to do with the fact that on april 1st, 2010 (the last time i got my SAT scores) i literally broke down. it was my lowest point. i cried so hard because of my stresses that built up throughout junior year and just IB in general. i really felt like giving up and i didn’t want to go on with school anymore. but the Lord helped me pick myself back up and even gave my family the opportunity to go to korea because of my SAT score lol everything really happens for a reason.
anyways, i’m super grateful and God continues to amaze me more and more each day. :)
cause my mom and i always hang out and have lunch or go shopping. :) i gotta spend as much time as i can with her cause i’m leaving next year!
today was a nice, relaxing day. i’m such a shop-a-holic. -_- so bad…haha every time my parents buy me something i always feel bad and super grateful. i’m definitely going to work hard and pay them back! i’ve made it one of my main goals to repay my parents for everything they’ve done for me. :] i’m so blessed. thank you, Lord for my family.
(WARNING: REALLY LONG & RANDOM POST/RANT MAINLY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS :P)
it’s been almost a year since the first time we started talking. i miss the way i felt when we talked. i miss the excitement, the butterflies, the curiosity, the getting to know each other stage. (buuut, i don’t really miss you, lol. just saying.)
listening to songs (especially taylor swift songs), watching chick flicks, seeing other couples…it all makes me feel bittersweet. i mean, i’m super excited to meet the person God has for me and make memories with him, but i’m such an impatient person. sigh. -_-
i’ve never been in a "good" or "stable" relationship with anyone…i mean i learned a lot of lessons from all of my experiences but i kind of wish i didn’t have to learn in those ways…getting hurt, being used, conforming, etc…but i did. God is truly, TRULY amazing for forgiving me. it leaves me speechless.
i just really want to meet that person…THE ONE. haha he’s just chilling out there somewhere in the world, hopefully waiting for me too. our relationship will definitely be based on God. one of the MOST important lessons i’ve learned from my experiences is: without God, your relationship is just going to fail. you guys should be on a similar level spiritually and you should be able to talk to each other about God and your spirituality. have bible study dates! :] haha other lessons that i’ve learned…
once a player, always a player. ALWAYZZZ. he’s not going to be any different the 5th time he comes back crying & apologizing than the first time. God may work some miracles on him, but it’s NOT your job to wait around until that happens.
don’t let a guy MAKE you pay. he doesn’t have to pay all the time, you guys can pay individually if you want & girls should definitely pay too, but don’t ever let him force you into paying. for example, "if you wanna hang out, you pay." HAHAHAH WOW. yes, boys and girls, someone has actuallyy said that to me before.
don’t let a guy use you in ANY way. you can help him with school stuff, but don’t do his hw for him. & definitely don’t let him use you physically.
if he doesn’t compliment you EVER & even insults you…HE HAS GOT TO GO. lol…i can’t believe you called me fat. you were never encouraging, you never complimented me. EVER. (btdubbzzz, you were def. da fat onez.) all girls deserve to be respected & treated like the best.
i understand that everyone gets busy, but if someone doesn’t reply/talk to you AT ALL for more than a couple of days (AND WITH NO APOLOGY)…yeah, he’s gotta go.
don’t let him treat you like crap in front of his friends. he should want to let everyone know you’re his girlfriend.
you should be able to be yourself around the guy. you should be comfortable & you should like the person he brings out in you. he should be your best friend.
7 is a weird number to stop at…but those were the main ones i wanted to mention :P sorry, i got a little riled up while writing some of them hahaha i’m no taylor swift & can’t write songs about them, but these are important things that unfortunately a lot of girls don’t know or they just compromise themselves and their values just to be with someone.
dear Lord, please protect my future significant other and keep him safe and healthy. p.s. i can’t wait to meet him! :] love, Christine.
(yeah…i wasn’t planning on writing all of this AT ALL haha so the title is a little irrelevant :P)
i didn’t realize how much i missed you until i saw your new picture. i miss meeting you after classes & on the weekends. i even miss getting physically and verbally abused by you. -_- hahah anyways, i’m glad you miss me too. :) hope all is well in canada!
i had the weirdest dream last night! i hope it comes true? but dreams can either be the same or the opposite in reality…makes me nervous -_- AHHH! thursday needs to come sooner so i’m not so anxious anymore. :/
HARRY POTTER NEXT MONTH!!!!!! i’m exciteddddddd!!! akdjadkjal :) & i still need to go to harry potter world.
& i just want to thank the Lord for allowing me to have a successful photoshoot. :] i actually really like my pictures (FOR ONCE :P) haha i just gotta get the rest of my portfolio together :P bahhhh.
because i realized that i really do enjoy talking to you and hanging out with you. i’m scared to get close to you because i know what the future holds and i don’t want to have to say goodbye & let you go like i had to do with the other two. sigh.