thoughts, reflections, & all that good stuff...@4AM.
i’ve been looking through old tumblr posts for the past two or three hours. it’s weird…i read my old thoughts and feelings. i once felt or thought a certain way. i saw myself grow from experiences and struggles. considering where i am right now and looking at the past…i’m just like, who would’ve known that i’d be here right now? (well, except God :P) i don’t know…idk how to describe it. lol one thing i realized is that, senior year was pretty good. it started off with me turning to God; i couldn’t have asked for a better start. i changed from first semester. first semester…i missed a lot of people, i was stressed out about school, a bit lonely at times, but still trying to build my relationship with God. it was a good semester, i wouldn’t trade it for anything.
another thing i realized as i read my posts was my early relationship with daniel. i remembered the excitement, fun, joy, and love we shared. i am so thankful to have made those memories especially since present situations have, well, changed a lot of things for us. i honestly miss those days sometimes…my fear is getting too comfortable. especially when i get married; i feel like most married couples don’t have fun. i really hope that my husband and i will still go on dates, still give each other butterflies, and still do cute things for each other. but anyway, back to the subject…life has thrown itself in our faces. parents, work, future, school, obligations…a lot has definitely changed since our short dating period. we can’t express much to each other. we barely hang out because he works or simply because i can’t due to the situation. we barely talk because he’s busy or one of us is tired. we’re easily annoyed or frustrated. some days are just so negative. we have to constantly remind ourselves of the positive. &frankly, i miss him.a lot. it’s been tough, probably one of the most difficult periods of my life. & it’s still going on. however, we’ve also grown so much during this time, individually and together. we’ve fallen, sometimes at the same time and sometimes by ourselves, but we’ve always turned to God and helped each other up. i have faith that with God, we can make it through anything. i, personally, have learned SO much in the past few months. my life has changed a lot after i met daniel. i don’t regret any of it. i’m thankful for everything and i’m so excited to see what God has in store for us.
i’m graduating tomorrow. i never thought the day would come, but it came so fast! it’s weird, it hasn’t really hit me just yet. four years of high school…mistakes, lessons learned, depression, losing friends and making new ones, drama, tons and tons of work, having fun somewhere along the way, crazy teen emotions…ah, high school. i’m in that transitioning phase. i realize i’m no longer fit to be a high school student, the underclassmen helped me realize that :P, but i’m not ready to be a college student…living on my own in a foreign place. i don’t know what i want to do with my life yet. the only thing i know for sure at the moment is that i need God and i just need to focus on Him and becoming the woman of God He wants me to be. everything is going to change once i go to school. i’m moving out, i’m moving to the other side of the country. i’m scared, nervous, anxious, but excited all at the same time. there are going to be brand new challenges, tests, trials. i’m going to miss everyone so much. i’m going to miss so many things as i’m already beginning to realize…but i have to grow up. i just hope i never forget how to have fun and be a kid. transitioning…it’s a very weird period of my life.
the past week&ahalf/twoweeks have been really tough for me. adjusting to change…it’s never easy. but i’m working my way back to focusing on God. reminding myself to be independent of people and dependent on God.
just felt like blogging because i haven’t in a super duper long time. :)
Often times when we face a certain circumstance or hard struggle, we doubt God and we ask why haven’t You done this or why have You done this? And our trust in Him fails because we forget who God is. We forget his redemptive history and the greatness of His being—magnificent, faithful, true…and…